Sunday, June 21, 2009
Real Dog
After the last post about Ralph, some people were wondering, "Is Ralph a Real Dog?" And if they were asking someone who lived in Klickitat County in the eighties or the early nineties, they'd learn that a real-er dog never chased skunks in the East County, probably not in the West County either.
Yeah, Ralph was a real dog, and all the stories about him are real stories, and you can tell they're real because none of them have a moral or anything. Some of them don't even have a point. Ralph didn't go around teaching lessons to children, he was a dog who lived a dog's life, and Dan and Doug and I happened to be part of it for a while, so I tell the stories to my kids.
They asked me to tell a new story about Ralph, and this is what I told them.
Ralph was the fastest, smartest, bravest dog in all of Klickitat County, maybe even the entire state. Which isn't to say he was the friendliest, though he did have some friends, and Uncle Dan and Uncle Doug and your daddy were three of them, and there were some coyotes he was friends with, too. But Ralph was not friends with skunks.
It wasn't for lack of trying, though. Ralph was always trying to make friends with skunks, which is strange, because as a rule, skunks don't like dogs. And besides, skunks stink.
Now, I read on the Internet that the Pilgrims kept skunks as pets, which I can't really imagine, because (as I may have mentioned), skunks stink. I wonder if Ralph got his ideas from the Pilgrims, though, because the Pilgrims did have some strange ideas. Not that I'm one to talk. But Ralph, for whatever reason, wanted to be friends with a skunk.
Eventually we got this black and white cat name Filbert, except we always called him Pigbert, because he was really fat. I think he and Ralph got to be friends eventually, and maybe that filled the void in Ralph's life that ought to have been filled by a skunk, or maybe he just eventually learned not to chase skunks. Or maybe I just stopped paying attention to Ralph's skunk-stink. Or maybe, just maybe, Ralph finally figured out the perfect way to get the smell off of him.
Anyway, the first few times Ralph tried to be friends with a skunk, he came back to the yard with a skunk in his mouth, smelling like a skunk. Which (as I may have mentioned) is not a nice smell. Skunks really stink.
We generally wouldn't let Ralph in the yard with a skunk. Especially not a dead one, which they usually were, which was probably part of what made it so hard for Ralph to make friends with them, on account of his always biting their heads with his big mouth. He never seemed like he was eating them, though it's possible he gave them to his coyote friends, I guess.
The first time it happened, we were pretty surprised when he came back later that night (without a skunk) and he didn't smell so bad. The other thing about skunk smell, is that it's hard to get off. It's why I never personally tangled with a skunk. But we just kind of shrugged and accepted that maybe he hadn't been sprayed that bad. We fed him his dinner, and went on with the important lives of boys, which included sleeping outside. With Ralph close by, but not too close, because he still smelled a little bit like a skunk, but not too much. Enough unless we got scared of something it was nice for him to be a ways off, but if we were scared, it would be nice if he were right there.
But it happened again, Ralph getting sprayed by a skunk, and then coming back not smelling too bad.
Eventually, we figured out that he was going down to The Wasteway, where he would roll in the mud, then jump in the water, then roll in the mud, then jump in the water, then roll in the mud, then jump in the water, and so on, and so forth. I guess Ralph thought if he took a bath, the skunks might like him better. I don't know if that worked, but it was sure nicer for us when he came back and he didn't stink.
Yeah, Ralph was a real dog, and all the stories about him are real stories, and you can tell they're real because none of them have a moral or anything. Some of them don't even have a point. Ralph didn't go around teaching lessons to children, he was a dog who lived a dog's life, and Dan and Doug and I happened to be part of it for a while, so I tell the stories to my kids.
They asked me to tell a new story about Ralph, and this is what I told them.
Ralph was the fastest, smartest, bravest dog in all of Klickitat County, maybe even the entire state. Which isn't to say he was the friendliest, though he did have some friends, and Uncle Dan and Uncle Doug and your daddy were three of them, and there were some coyotes he was friends with, too. But Ralph was not friends with skunks.
It wasn't for lack of trying, though. Ralph was always trying to make friends with skunks, which is strange, because as a rule, skunks don't like dogs. And besides, skunks stink.
Now, I read on the Internet that the Pilgrims kept skunks as pets, which I can't really imagine, because (as I may have mentioned), skunks stink. I wonder if Ralph got his ideas from the Pilgrims, though, because the Pilgrims did have some strange ideas. Not that I'm one to talk. But Ralph, for whatever reason, wanted to be friends with a skunk.
Eventually we got this black and white cat name Filbert, except we always called him Pigbert, because he was really fat. I think he and Ralph got to be friends eventually, and maybe that filled the void in Ralph's life that ought to have been filled by a skunk, or maybe he just eventually learned not to chase skunks. Or maybe I just stopped paying attention to Ralph's skunk-stink. Or maybe, just maybe, Ralph finally figured out the perfect way to get the smell off of him.
Anyway, the first few times Ralph tried to be friends with a skunk, he came back to the yard with a skunk in his mouth, smelling like a skunk. Which (as I may have mentioned) is not a nice smell. Skunks really stink.
We generally wouldn't let Ralph in the yard with a skunk. Especially not a dead one, which they usually were, which was probably part of what made it so hard for Ralph to make friends with them, on account of his always biting their heads with his big mouth. He never seemed like he was eating them, though it's possible he gave them to his coyote friends, I guess.
The first time it happened, we were pretty surprised when he came back later that night (without a skunk) and he didn't smell so bad. The other thing about skunk smell, is that it's hard to get off. It's why I never personally tangled with a skunk. But we just kind of shrugged and accepted that maybe he hadn't been sprayed that bad. We fed him his dinner, and went on with the important lives of boys, which included sleeping outside. With Ralph close by, but not too close, because he still smelled a little bit like a skunk, but not too much. Enough unless we got scared of something it was nice for him to be a ways off, but if we were scared, it would be nice if he were right there.
But it happened again, Ralph getting sprayed by a skunk, and then coming back not smelling too bad.
Eventually, we figured out that he was going down to The Wasteway, where he would roll in the mud, then jump in the water, then roll in the mud, then jump in the water, then roll in the mud, then jump in the water, and so on, and so forth. I guess Ralph thought if he took a bath, the skunks might like him better. I don't know if that worked, but it was sure nicer for us when he came back and he didn't stink.
// posted by David @ 7:30 PM 
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